so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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