Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Sext me about skeletons
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
