so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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