I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
