everyone is single if you try hard enough
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
