i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Randomize