I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
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from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
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