Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
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