I queefed so loud it echoed.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
