Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
