Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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