A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
