I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Randomize
