Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
