ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?