Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
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I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
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i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.