I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed