i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator