I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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