I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Randomize
