..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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