when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
