How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Randomize
