so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
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