Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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