He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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