I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
