that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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