You're completely useless in the revolution.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
