my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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