A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize