somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
