well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Small penises have feelings too.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize