Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Why are your pants in the freezer?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
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