Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
