these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
She needs sedatives and a leash
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
