After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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