her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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