careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
