Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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