Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
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I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
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Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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