so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
is wine microwaveable?
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
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