I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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