He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
