Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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