also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
