I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Operation Purity has been aborted
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
His nipple licking is glorious
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