I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
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