Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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