Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
