we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
