Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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