I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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