my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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