Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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