Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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