Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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