I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
