Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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