if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
