Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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