$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
