u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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