I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
