Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
