She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
