this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Randomize
