Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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