would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
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