I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
