Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
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I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
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Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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