Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
