time to smoke my breakfast
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
