we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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