please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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