i jhust puked up my retainher.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
