What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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