A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
