Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
