wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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