eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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