Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
