ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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