carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
