i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
