does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
