remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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