he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
