cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
