Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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