The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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